i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
