why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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