Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
