I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
