My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
