Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
