I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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