I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
