My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize