also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
