Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
