you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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