so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
