whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
