He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
