i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
