new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
