i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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