well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
