Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Green mimosas i think yes
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
