I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
