hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The chlamydia really affected his face.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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