Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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