I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
