hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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