Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
