Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
