I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
