i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
