As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's shark week go big or go home
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
