If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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