I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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