Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
