Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
