At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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