My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
