Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Randomize
