theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
