Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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