dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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