oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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