that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
