I didn't shave. On purpose
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
