Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
