Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
