turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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