I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
