what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
