You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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