She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
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Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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