i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
