this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
