Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
