Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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