thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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