Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
