Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
