they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
