my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
