I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
