I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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