I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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