I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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