dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
