I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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