The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
