Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
