This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
