Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
