i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
