Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
