at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
