It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
