I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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