Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
