It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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