If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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