Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
