I love black thongs
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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