the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
How external is "for external use only"?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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