yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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