i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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